| Ummm |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|02:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
It's hot
I ran two miles today - three miles yesterday
My legs hurt
I miss my honey
I am working on Josh's birthday present (it's going to rock)
Jim Shoemaker just got here yesterday which is cool
I finished this book called Enduring Love
Before that I read a book called Handmaid's Tale
It's hot (just thought I would mention it again)
I'm going to absolutely nothing today and it's great! |
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| A few thoughts at 4 am |
[Dec. 14th, 2005|04:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a ticking clock | ] |
I've always been the one leaving, never the one left. And I have always been okay with that, desiring it in fact. THe most recent examples being: I left my friends (the few I had) when I left for England. I left my English friends when I came home. I left my friends AGAIN when I moved to Paris. And now I am back, leaving my friends to go home. But, home? The definition is so different now. For so long it was a place, a true solid place. Somwhere on a bad day I could just drive, not think about my direction and there I would end up. The wooden steps, the basketball hoop, the grass that would never grow. The memories, so vast, so many of them happy. Even though we no longer live there that is the only home I have ever really known. And although I miss it, it can never be home again without my family. A empty space with memories is simply a way of dwelling on the past. My home now is...somewhere. It is not England. It is not Paris, although for a while it was home. It is not the old house with grass that never grew. I will always be the wild stallion in spirit but for the first time I realize there is something I can never leave. That thing can make a cardboard box feel like home. That thing is love. Whether it is the love of family, the love of friends, or the love of another person. My home is neither here nor there. But I can not be the one leaving forever. |
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| how... |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|09:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
how did i get here? how the hell? - it seems almost impossible that i am leaving in five days. it seems like yesterday that i was getting on the plane, saying goodbye to my two favorite people in the world! (Nina and Josh) I remember their faces. I remember bursting in to tears when i hugged Nina, knowing I wouldn't see her for a long time and just hoping that she wouldn't forget me. I was in shock at loosing my Josh. I couldn't believe that I was going to have to live without him. I survived for a month. That month was such a hard month. But it was great getting to know the city. Realizing that I actually was living in Paris. Which was just amazing. And then Josh arrived. When he was here it was the happiest I had been since August. Each day I fell more and more in love with him. It was really when Josh got here that I realized that I couldn't stay in Paris. There were so many reasons for my transition but I know that I will be happy teaching. I have always loved it and it has always been something that I have been good at. The days went quickly by and I was so happy. Then Josh left. I was devestated and I'm still not quite the same person without him. But "absence makes the heart grow fonder!" as Lady Cluck says on Robin Hood (I love Disney!) I thought that the month would last forever. But now we are here. It is December 11 and I have 5 days before I leave. I have had an amazing time. Although I've had my sad days I've had my best friend there through it all. My life won't be the same without her. Mikerra and I have had some of the craziest adventures. Yesterday we took a study break and ran to the Opera House for sushi!!! We found a major Parisian monument that we had never seen before. As we were going into the metro we both looked at it and said, "WOW! So that's where that is!" I will miss her sooooo much! There are so many memories that I will miss. Right now it's hard to fathom because I am so excited to be going home, to a house I have never seen; to be seeing my family and Josh. It's amazing how mixed emotions can get. It's tough. Tough love!!!! :)
I have three exams for 2 and a half hours each. Philosophy is tomorrow. Our NGO presentation is Tuesday. And French is wednesday. Then I have one more day of being in Paris. Friday I'm really not going to be doing anything. I will be spending the entire time getting to the airport and such. Crazy.
That's the last 4 months in a nut shell. Wow! It's gone so fast!!!
Well, Joyeux Noel/Felis Navidad/Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa!!!!
Peace!
xx |
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| Armistice Day |
[Nov. 11th, 2005|08:46 pm] |
Alright so I get the fact that it's 11-11 and all this wonderful stuff happened to end a war but why do the patisseries have to be closed?? Honestly? Wouldn't the soldiers, in leau of the end of the war, want to enjoy some much needed pastery fun?? I think so! So why the hell do we get deprived!!
Another point: WHY DOES HE HAVE TO LEAVE??????????????????????????????????????
Some one please explain because I see no reason at all to be deprived of something even better than pasteries. Why does the love of my life, my other half, my best friend, my Josh....why does he have to go????
:( |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|08:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | D. Cab | ] |
Hamburgers, Death Cab for Cutie, and my honey!!!! What else could I need??? :) |
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| hahahahahahahahahaha |
[Oct. 16th, 2005|02:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  in love | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Postal Service | ] |
Bonjour mes amis!!!!! Ca va bien??? D'accord!
One word to describe me: ecstatic. I have never been so happy in my entire life. Josh arrived safe and sound and since the day he arrived it has been nothing but wonderful days. Flat out, I love that boy so much. There isn't a moment that I am with him that I don't think, "Jesus, I am SO lucky!" It's ridiculous really. He's amazing. He comes out with me when I go out with the girls which is awesome. The girls love him. Speaking of the girls! They are so wonderful. Mikerra is the greatest girl ever! She's so sweet and HILARIOUS and adorable and just a bad-ass! Today she and I went shopping next to the Opera House! That place is insane! Josh and I are going to go there tomorrow after we go tothe Musee Orsay. It's going to be amazing. I am going to pick up some stuff that I didn't get to pick up today. OMG, today I bought this amazing coat! It's redish-pink and long and thick and it's AMAZING! I love it. It was on sale as well :) Gotta love the sales! I am planning this awesome get away with Josh! I am going to take him to Florence over Halloween weekend! I am going to go and get the train tickets soon and book our hostel. It's going to be awesome! I can't wait. We are going to have so much fun if I get it all together! Also, he's coming down to Brazil for Christmas!!!!! How could my Christmas really get any better? Seriously!!! My favorite holiday and he is going to be there to share it with me! The love of my life is going to be with me on Christmas!!!!! eeeeeeekkkkkkk!
Peace and love! I am too crazy right now to write anything else! |
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| Cosmos are my friend |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|02:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab | ] |
Bonjour! I am exuberant and super hyper at the moment. This week has been the best. So I am warning you now, this is really going to be a jumbled mess of events as they come to mind. First off. I am feeling great. I ran twice this week. Now that isn't much but it's more than I have done in ages. I need to get back in shape for running. It would make me so much more energized and lifely. As if more energy is essential right now. I am on a natural high and energetic without meaning to. But running just felt good. I was sore afterward, but in a good way, ya know? Also, school is fantastic. Still bored to tears in English, it's the easiest class in the world. French is moving right along and I am learning pretty quickly which helps ALOT. Philosophy is "interesting" to say the least. Which leads me to my FirstBridge which is two classes combined to connect two different realms of study. The first is a Writing, Ethics and Engagement class. We read fictional as well as non-fictional works that deal with globalization and politics and community, etc. It's great. The books are awesome. The other class is a Citizenship and Activism course which is exactly that - activism and current issues. Our final exam is going to be a virtual NGO which we will have created. That will be our final grade. It's going to be sweet! But away from the boring school stuff. I just write it and know that none of you are even reading it. I do it for my benefit!
I got to talk to Nina!!!! I missed my girl! I called her earlier in the week. She had just woken up after getting home at 4:30 in the morning for a MCR concert! SO JEALOUS!!!!!! It sounded so amazing. I just missed her so much, I had to call and talk to her. We just chatted like nothing had changed. We talked about school. Senior year sounds like it's going excellently, which is exactly how senior year should go. I actually miss high school. I LOVE college but I miss Concord. I miss having everyone around and being able to socialize with my teachers. It's crazy. But yeah, I missed my Tiger! I hope she has a chance to come and visit me. She would LOVE Paris. It is her kind of city. After I talked to her I started looking at picures from this last summer and such. It made me sad, I love that girl. We had such an amazing summer and amazing year. It was great. Also, I was remembering how adorable she looked when we went and tried on clothes at DEB during our crazy shopping excusion. Seriously, the more adorable girl EVER! I am so glad she got into dance company. She deserves it. She is such a good dancer. She's what Dance Company needs. Awww.
Also just to throw it in as a side note. 36 hours until I get to see my Josh. My honey is going to be here in 36 hours. How is that possible you might say. I concur. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE??? How is is possible that I have ended up with the greatest man in the entire world. Seriously, every day I just think about how lucky I am to be with him. To have in my life. It makes my life better just having him in it, even when he is thousands of miles away. I can't even imagine how much I will freak out when he gets here. I don't think I will let him go home! I just can't think of anything better than spending all my time with him. I couldn't be happier and as long as he is in my life, I couldn't ask for anything more. I love that boy with all my heart. How is he possibly going to be here! My brain can't even fathom it!(freaking out sound where words cannot be formed because of excitement)
Alright, peace and love to you all! |
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| Getting settled...well sorta |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|04:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nadda | ] |
So here I am. I am at the computer lab at school which is two blocks east of the Eifel Tower. Yeah I know, BAD ASS. I am waiting around to go to our freshman class reception which consists of sitting around with champagne and chatting with teachers, students, etc. So looking forward to that and then going back to the apartment for some baguette, chesse, grapes, and salami. That is my dinner for the next two nights. I am living on nothing and it ROCKS. It's so very french. Gotta love it. Seriously this city is so much fun to be in and I can't wait. I think I am going to go to the Louvre tomorrow night. It's free entry for those under 26 on Friday nights from like 7 until 9. So yeah. definitely going to go and enjoy some art before classes start. Speaking of classes, we start of Monday which should be super exciting. Once I have my schedule I will post it but until then it is going to had my English writing, French, Art History, Citizenship and Activism (which is two classes) and a Psychology class (thinking of you Nina!!) So I am pretty excited about all of that. It will be a good amount of work and so much to study that I will barely have time for my self which is AWESOME. I don't want to have to sit down and not have anything to do. That is always dangerous because then I start thinking about everything and it gets a little scary! My apartment is a mess already, or rather it just hasn't gotten finished. there is still stuff that I have to put away. So I am going to do that tonight as well. Hmmm. Gotta plan some classes and the girls want to get together for a bottle of wine and maybe a movie. That should be fun but I am super tired so I am going to end the night a little early because I have to leave the house at 8:45 tomorrow to get to my class registration. Oh also, I am super excited because we have a tour of Montmartre with a fondue dinner on Saturday and Sunday I am going to Versailles. Pretty sweet if you ask me.
But as always I miss you. I barely have time to get on and post lte alone comment on everyone elses. It makes me sad. I hope everyone is well and isn't letting the tiny town virus get them down. It's never good. Not healthy. There is plenty of other shit in my life that isn't all flowers and butterflies but that stuff is boring :) I love all of you and hope to hear from you soon!!!!!!
Bon soir! |
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| Paris |
[Aug. 29th, 2005|05:15 pm] |
"Paris is beautiful during the summertime I hear..." - Carina Round
Well let me just concur with beautiful Carina. Paris is AMAZING. It's more than I ever dreamed it would be. It's crazy right now because I am getting everything sorted for the rest of the year but it is so great. I have a place to live now. It is TINY. Like closet sized...but I don't care at all. It's no big deal because it's Paris. I am here. I am going to school. I am living in Paris. Who the hell cares how small it is?? I'm just excited about having a place. For details: It is on the 1st floor in a magnificent area. It is a 30 minute walk from school or a 5 minute Metro ride. Unfortunately I have to share a bathroom and shower with two other students. But I have a huge window that overlooks a beautiful garden and I get to walk across the Seine every day. It's insane. AND it's only 350 euros a month. Wow. I'm so excited. Of course I feel bad for poor Josh. He is going to have to put up with the cramped quarters but he is amazing and I know he will tolerate it. I will just make sure we are out at night and avoid the tiny space as much as possible if it seems to be a problem. But yeah I move in tomorrow! Yay!
School is amazing. It is going to be a great year. Classes are going to be good. Soon I will have my scheduled classes and be taking classes which I am SO excited about! Eeek!!! How is this happening. I was sitting by the Seine earlier today and I turned around the Eifel Tower was towering above everything else. I was so shocked. It is just such an amazing place. Narrow streets and beautiful buildings. It is incredible. I feel like Kate in French Kiss going "Oh, beautiful! Wish you were here!!!!!" She is so cute! I love that movie.
But here is the real thing. I am meeting GREAT people. People with similar interests but with totally different backgrounds. It is amazing. For example, I met this guy today. His name is Armando and he is a Senior. He was born in the US so he automatically has US citizenship but his mother and father are French and Mexican respectively. So he has triple citizenship. He plays guitar and enjoys music as much as I do so we just sat and had lunch and talked! It was awesome!
Now the other kicker. I miss you guys like crazy! I miss my little town and the familiarities there of but I miss all of you more. I miss my Nina and my Josh and Christina and the people from work even the people I haven't seen in ages. It is amazing. So it will be nice to see you all soon (cough cough) when you come to Paris (cough cough). Not that I am hinting but even if I don't see you in paris you have got to go just to enjoy the live that is Paris.
Anyway, I love you all. Au revoir et bon soir. Je t'aime mon amis.
xxx |
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| Euphoric |
[Aug. 12th, 2005|10:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jimmy Eat World | ] |
So here's a little story for you all to hear. For background: Josh is having an art show tomorrow. It's a huge step for him professionally and it is going to be so amazing. He has so many wonderful pieces in the show and I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard for this for so long. He deserves for it to go well. And it will. So many people are going to be there. It's really wonderful. I know if I were him I would just be basking in the fact that tomorrow is THE day. It's his day. But instead, he did something wonderful for me. Yesterday we were supposed to hang out but he had to go meet Farnz at the store. So I waited around for a while and then drove downtown to read in the park until he called me. When I parked I looked and i had parked right in front of his car. I was so excited. So I went and sat in a place where I could see his car and I waited for him. So he comes down the street into view and sees my car and just looked so confused and starts looking around and then he saw me and came over all gorgeous as always. He had put a bag in his car before that but it didn't really occur to me at first. So we went and I bought us Gelato (his fisrt time! hehe) and then we sat in the park and ate it. Then we went home and then to Walmart. I bought him Man on Fire DVD after picking up my pictures. He bought Old School. We had both had really shitty days so we went home and watched that and laughed so hard. So then today I worked a 10 hour day and he worked as well. Because I had worked so long all I wanted to do was see Josh. He makes even my worst days the best. But yeah, so we got together and I had to work on my loan stuff and he worked on a painting. So then he asks if I want my present now or tomorrow. He said tomorrow was going to be too hectic. So I opened three boxes. One had this stunning light green stone in an almost tear-drop looking silver outside with a silver chain. I was so amazed. Then the little box: earings. The same light green stones in a J shaped piece of silver. Perfect, totally me. Then the last box: a bracelet. Matching light green stones in small silver circles. It is the most gorgeous jewelry I have ever gotten ever. Probably the greatest present anyone has ever given me, besides the wonderful gifts from my birthday. They are my style completely and will match my dress so imaculately. I can't wait. He is truely, the greatest man I have ever met and he beats all expectations of what men are like. Every day I am amazed at how lucky I have become. I never thought I would ever, and I mean EVER be this happy with anyone. I assumed that wasn't my thing. But I couldn't ask for someone more human and real and wonderful as Josh. Sorry. I realize I am rambling incessently about my wonderful darling, but how could I not???
Bon soir mon amis. Je t'aime. xxxx |
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| Who ever invented shopping....hell yeah |
[Jul. 30th, 2005|01:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | John Lennon...in my head | ] |
So Tiger and I went shopping TC yesterday. OMG. We had the best time. I couldn't think of a person I would have rather been with. She tried on this dress and some shirts. Seriously, she look so drop dead gorgeous. I was astounded. I have never seen anyone look so pretty without even trying. All I could say was, "Babe, that is so pretty. You look great." I must have sounded like an idiot but DAMN. She is gorgeous. Natural beauty is rare. So step by step. We started at HOt Topic where Nina got two band shirts and I got a political/band shirt. Then we moved to DEB. I bought a bunch of shirts and shirts and a beautiful dress that I am wearing to dinner tonight. Yeah, tonight, I keep forgetting that it is my birthday. Weird. Anyway, back to the story. Then we went to the "Charlotte store" as Tiger and I call it. I think that is where we went. Shit, I am so bad at details. She will know. To cut a long story short we shopped until I said we had to get food. We ate chinese in the food court and then came back.
When we got back we went and saw Josh. My poor sweetie. He was so sick. I worried about him all day. Luckily he was ok. But I thought about him all day. Wait, how is that different from any other day?? Damn, am I crazy or what??? But he's so amazing. For once in my life I am being treated like a person by my significant-other. I actually know what is going on in our relationship and I don't have to constantly be questioning his motives or whether he really likes me or is just saying it. I'm just happy. No attachments or small font. Just happy. Finally.
So yeah birthday. Josh is taking me out to dinner. We are hanging out all day. I'm excited. And now I will leave you. This is short but I want to go and read my book.
Give peace a chance,
xxx |
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| Whew....back to the computer |
[Jul. 19th, 2005|12:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "The man.....Sinatra" | ] |
Hey all, just checking in to tell everyone that I am alive and well. I have been in Cross Village for a week or so. No internet so no updates. Sorry folks. I am working alot and spending as much time with my parents before they leave. It's going to be so weird when they are gone. They are going to have such a good time though. Josh has been coming over to see them as well which is wonderful. I just so happen to have the sweetest boyfriend in the world. Awwwww. But I don't want to get too sappy, but I am just stating the facts: it's cute.
On another note. I had a dream about Nina. OH MY GOD, I am going to miss her so much. I don't know what I am going to do with out her. I always feel bad because I always seem to talk about me and my problems to her. I am a terrible friend. Damn it. Bad Megan. But seriously, I have never had a friend as close to me as she is. She is so beautiful and smart and funny as hell. She deserves the best and when she finds it...hell yeah. But I don't know what will happen. She has so much going for her. I just hope that she keeps that beautiful smile and wonderful attitude she exudes. I know that she misses her dear Melissa and so that will be great to have her back so that Nina has even more reason to be happy, but I can't wait for her to realize that she makes people's lives better and she has had more of an impact on my live than any friend I have ever had. And did I mention I am going to miss her?
So yeah, I guess Andrew hates me. I don't hate him at all. Why can't people just be adults about break ups. Yeah it sucked. Yeah it broke my heartto break it off. Yeah I miss him. MOVE ON. I don't see how it can be so hard to be civil and figure out how to function with an ex. I enjoy the company of all my ex's. I mean, I haven't had an actual boyfriend since 8th grade (that is until now) but they are still ex's....right? Of course right. They each have a place in my heart and I think I will always love each of them in some way. How could I not. It's not like I can just delete them from my memory. There is history there that can never be erased and that's what makes life so awesome. Things happen and you can't do a thing to change the fact that it happened. It will always be there, for better or worse.
Paris plans are going wonderfully. I am playing my tuition bill tomorrow and will pay the balance when I get my loan after my birthday. I'm so excited Nina said she was going to come and see me in Paris. I can't wait!!!! Yay!!!! Josh is going to as well. That's pretty dam n exciting. This is awesome. I have the best friends in the world. I wish Christina and Andrew would come too, but life doesn't always line up. C'est la vie. I will miss them all so much. But I have a month if awesome times ahead of me. Then I have 3 days with my city (NYC) and then I am off. I am outa here. "we're gunna do it! On your mark, get set and go now! We have a chance and we just know now. We're gunna make it! Doing it our way!" Oops. That is a part from "Dream" my favourite movie. I dunno. you'd get it if you have seen it. Anyway!!!!!
Love you all! Au revoir mon amis.
xxxx |
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| Gee that's nice |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|05:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Bouncy for no reason | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ben Folds Sunny Day EP | ] |
Ok, fourth of July weekend = my hell. Work has been so crazy since all the tourists arrived for the holiday. It sucks because they are all mean and stuck up and just don't give a shit about anyone but their own little vacation time. And as Maggie and I have established they must come up here to buy ugly clothing because that seems to be all that anyone wears! I mean come on, who in their right mind wears yellow skin-tight capris, a purple shirt and a red sweater around their waist?? Is it just me or is that not the scariest thing you ever heard of?? Also, they all ask the stupidest questions: "Can you make a mocha??" "No, I'm sorry miss, we are only a COFFEE SHOP!!!!" But on the nice side of all that it has meant $20 in tips every day since the 2nd. Not too shabby if you ask me. But it's still torture and can't wait til it slows up a bit, even if it means less tips. Whatever.
So in other news, Andrew and Dannon got their new apartment. It's so nice. And it's really big for the two of them. It's like a duplex. They have the bottom half of the house and other people are leasing out the top. So the other night we all went and helped them move in. We all stayed up late and just hung out even though we all had to work super early in the morning. It was totally worth it. Then I think it was the next day, Andrew and I drove to his grandma's in East Jordan and got pots and pans and plates,etc. I also too him grocery shopping because the poor kid hadn't eaten anything all day and they had no breakfast of any kind in their house. So I bought them some groceries. I happen to love grocery shopping by the way.
Then, on the 4th. Nina and I met up after the fireworks. She had to work, poor dear. That is so awful that she had to work while fireworks were going on. And it was so busy. She must have been exhausted. Well we drove seperate cars because I had to go to work the next morning. So, while I was drving out of Harbor my car stopped going. I didn't know what was going on. Luckily the cops were driving by just as my car died and they did a U-turn and came and helped push my car up on the curb. They told me to wait and try again and then come and get them from the station if it didn't work. Well I waited, and waited. Then two angels appeared. Ok major exaggeration. Will and Shaun showed up. And because I have decided that Will is a minor deity, it was no surprise that he got in my car and just started it up. They both babbled something about fuel flooding the cylinders or something and then he did some stuff. They said to take it driving and it would be fine. Then we chatted briefly before they left to go have a guys night. Seriously, I love those boys. They are the best. I don't think they quite realize how much that meant to me. They rock. True bad-asses! Love you boys! Seriously!
Following this incident I drove into town to get Nina. She also had car troubles on the way. She almost got into an accident. Some crazy guy told her to not drive drunk and drove her home. She was so dizzy that she didn't do anything about it. I was so worried. I was shaking ans shit in the car. I mean, crazy psycho guy just gets in her car and insists on driving her home! WTF??? My poor girl. She was ok though. Then, we decided that we wanted to go to 7-11. So we did. As we did, Andrew called and was like "I can see you!" We both freaked and started looking around like idiots. He was on top of JC Penny. They were hanging out at Nigels and that's where they were. On the way back Josh shouted down that he would come down and meet us so that we could come up and hang out. So we all hung out. Josh and I talked for a good 3 hours about everything. He is so awesome. He is coming to visit me in Paris. And it was so nice to just have a conversation with someone. We could just talk to each other about everything. I really miss that. *sigh* So that was the most fun I have had all week (with a guy that is), Nina is my angel and I always have the best time with her. Better than any time I ever have with stupid boys! ;) So yeah, then I went to Andrew's and then got up and ran a bunch of errands the next day. But now officially my car is too dangerous for the roads. It stalls anywhere and everywhere. Not exactly safe. So now I am without a car. It goes into the shop tomorrow. Eekk. I hope it's ok. Anyway, off to go and have a night with Nina and Andrew. Movie night I think! Yay! We haven't done that in ages. I proper miss that!
Bon soir mon amis! xxx |
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| Just a quickie....hopefully |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|04:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | alot to think about | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jeff Buckley | ] |
I know I know, bad Megan. I haven't updated in AGES. REcently we've been moving our house so it's been mega-crazy. We just moved down the road into this phenomenal house. It's so beautiful. I am having people over tonight. It's gunna be fun. I'm really looking forward to just chilling in the (get this) TV room. Yes there is a TV room. hehe. I officially love this house! Presently, or as soon as I am done with this, I am off into town to see Nina. We are going to this gig that her uncle is playing and then I think we are going to Charlevoix to see alloddsagainst and Tannooki Suit play. I'm really excited. They are really good. Hopefully Andrew will be there cuz I haven't gotten a hold of him yet and I need too. Although what's the fucking point?
I guess that leads into the other matter. I don't know what we ever were if we were ever anything. I think we were. We were happy. I know that. But I had to go and ruin it by saying those three words you aren't supposed to say. But fuck the rules. When do I ever follow the rules. And I always say that you should never hesitate because you only live once. If saying "I love you" scares him enough that he can't see me any more than whatever. I can easily and as you can tell, I already am falling OUT of love with him. Can't we all just be grown ups. I'm sorry if love is so scary. But it's not like I wanted to run out and get married and spend the rest of my life with him. All I want is a bit of fun and it just so happens that I got to have a bit of fun with the guy I love. Nothing's changed. Wow, be a grown up I know it's hard but damn. I know he cares. Or at least, I know he used to. Things have changed pretty quickly. I would love to spend the next 2 months with him just having a good time,etc. But if he doesn't want it or doesn't think that he can because it's "just too weird"....wekll then. C'est la vie. I'm moving to Paris. I love him but *shrugs* Poor miserable git. I just wish he could handle it so that he could still hang out with his other friends. I hate to be the thing that comes between him and his friends. Whatever. We'll figure it out I guess. I am sure by the next posting everyhitng will be differnt.
Wow, that only took me 10 minutes. Sweet!!!!!
Love you all!!! See you soon Tiger!
xxxxx |
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| nothing.....nothing at all...i feel nothing |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|12:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  broken-hearted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | A Perfect Circle | ] |
I'm lying to myself
And this dagger's my excuse
I'm a pawn
I Should have paid up
And I left an hour late
I was laid up
I must abuse myself
I'm against all that I've made up
Set in stone the sun will come
And I hate light
You know I hate light
To me it looks so pretty burning
Burn the sun
Burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand
Take my life
Take take take take take take it away
I must have caught something
In the heat of all these dances
I'm a worm with no more chances
And I've lost all doubt
In a chemical romance
I can't stop itching
over thoughts of tarnished hope
kinda funny
lonely feeling
I'm not in love
You know it's not love
Don't make it look so pretty burning
Burn the sun
Burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand
Take my life
Take take take take take take it away
Burn the sun
Burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand
Take my life
Take take take take take take it away
Brothers and sisters
I'm right here with you
Cause everyone's got one
A story to kill me
I'm so apathetic in my resentment
Living, loving, knowing not
Take my hand
Take my life
Take my heart take my mind
Take my lungs take my life
Burn the sun burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand take my life
Take take take take take take it away
Burn the sun burn the light
Take take take take take take it away
Take my hand take my life
Take my life
Take my life
- The Used
Ouch! The sheer irony if it all. This song was playing earlier when Andrew and I were driving around waiting for me to decide what we were going to do. I didn't realize it then, but there are some parts of that song which...whew. Wow. There is more in this song than I can possibly describe for anyone. Those that have been around know what's going on. Ouch. My chest hurts. My eyes hurt. I wish this were all over. Someone please, tell me it will pass. Tell me it'll be ok. Some one tell me something because I can't take this anymore. |
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| 4:20...what better time to update! |
[Jun. 25th, 2005|04:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | what else at 4:20? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | silence | ] |
yeah so it's 4:20 in the morning and i am going to go and open the shop in approximately 2 hours. no point in sleeping. fuck sleep man! that for idiots and i am certainly not that...(stiffled cough). this is crazy. yesterday i opened after only getting 2 hours of sleep. we (kyle, andrew, nina and i) watched the game at kyle's house. piston's lost. that's so sad. and it was during that game that i found out why the pistons are called the pistons. wow, did i feel like an idiot. well after the game we all came back to my house to play some basketball. it was so much fun. it was so hot though. so we cooled down in the basement. then kyle and andrew went back to kyle's and nina crashed at my house. 2 hours later i woke up and opened the shop. pretty busy. not too bad though. i was so tired though. i decided to experiment and see how reliant i am on caffiene. yeah, conclusion: VERY RELIANT!!!!
Then i drove into Petoskey and went to the beach with Nina. First we went and picked up tickets for Land of the Dead. woooo! The beach was so warm. we sat on the beach and did MadLibs. It was so much fun! Neon pink worms, pothole-filling, and something about petting. Damn, that was so much fun. Then I took her home and headed home myself. It was scary I almost fell asleep on the way home. Shit. I made it though! Yay for Megan!!!! I came home and didn't even realize I feel asleep but next thing I know, my mom's waking me up for some dinner. After dinner Dan and I drove into town to meet everyone for the movie. We went to Andrew's and then HS and then Taco Bell to waste time. It was so much fun. we are so crazy. The movie was alright I guess. really really really really gorry. ewwwwww. it was so gross!!! then we didn't know what to do so we went to 7-11 so kendall could get some cigarettes. after that we took nina home. she's such a sweetie. she's my girl! love you hun! then we went to HS. the boys were thinking about staying at kyle's but his mom was all "tell them they have to go home right now!" so instead of taking them home i just brought them to my house. they are presently asleep in my basement. yeah, losers, they are actually asleep. whatever! haha, just kidding.
alright, i can't believe i am about to talk about something really personal on here but what the fuck have i got to loose. i don't know what the hell is going on between him and me. we are so happy together so why i am i so confused all the time. maybe it's because any conversation about emotions means i'm talking to a brick wall. maybe it's because i'm scared and i freeze up. maybe it's because i want to be with him so much that it hurts to think about no being with him. what ever. this is stupid. i'm getting all depressed now. Lily, help me babe!!! you gotta help me figure this out! you are the only one that can.
ok...4:33. wasted a good 13 minutes. excellent!!!! only another half hour before i have to start getting ready to go! i gotta run the boys into town before i go to work. fucking ridiculous. i hate working. that's a total lie. i love my job, but i hate getting up in the morning. uggh.
anyway, peace love and unity for all! |
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| long time |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|02:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing....too grumpy | ] |
Wow, it's been ages since I last posted. Well, rather, it feels like ages. It's only really been a week. But so much has happened since then. We are almost all moved out of our house. This whole house thing is really frustrating because I just want to be settled in to a place with my family. And right now, this house isn't our house. There is shit everywhere, we can't sit down and have a meal together, I can't sleep in my own bed most nights because there is shit on that as well, we are getting rid of basically everything. This just flat out sucks. Ummm, I started working on a happier note. It has been great and I go back to work tomorrow after having four days off. So now I have five days straight. This is nutty. Whatever I guess. It's good money and wonderful people. On the "man" situation, everything is all fine and dandy. Some days I'm totally lost as to what is going on, but generally I don't care. All I know is this is the happiest I've been in a long time and I'm not going to let anything get in the way of that. Hence the invitation to fly across the ocean with yours truely.
So today. I was really really happy early on. I was enjoying all the plans I have been making about Paris and I was really thrilled about generally everything. Then I went to the doctors. Everything is all good. Then Nina and I hung out and I was still all happy. Then I drove to Charlevoix to pick up Andrew. And all the sudden, I just had this huge surge of emotion and I haven't been able to shake it all night. I've been a bitch to everyone tonight and I feel really really bad about it. But then about one and a half hours ago I took Andrew home and we just hung out. I cut his hair (eeek!) and we just sat and talked with Tim and Josh and Dannon. It was so much fun. Josh called Andrew and I newlyweds. I started laughing really hard because I realized that we really do sound like that.
Ok, I'm really tired and stressed which is causing massive emotional surges. Beware of Megan's wrath, I don't mean it if I do anything to insult you. I'm just on edge. I love you all. Nina, you are my Tigerlily and I love you more than you know! You mean the world to me. I love you Andrew (even though you don't read this). Christina I miss you (even though you don't read this either). WB boys, I'm so glad to be back with you. I've missed you all so much.
Au revoir! |
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| woah.... |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|11:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Family Guy | ] |
Yesterday was so much fun. I lazed about all day (no change to my usual days) and waited around til Nina got done with her interview! She got the job which absolutely rocks. She totally deserves it. Well she came over for a little while then we headed into town. When we got to town we met the boys and went to Gaylord. We went to the skate park and then we went and saw Kendall's band alloddsagainst. They are really good. I saw them a while ago at Harmony Grounds. They have gotten even better since then. They are getting so great. I'm excited for thier next show! So yeah, Nina, Josh, Kyle, Dannon, Andrew and I went and did that. Then we came back into town for the midnight showing of Batman. First we went to Nina's and Andrew, Jeremy and I played some basketball while Nina was getting her stuff. Then we went to the show and met all the gang there. I saw Will and Kristi there and I guess Greg went too cuz I saw him afterward. I also saw Jack Kohler. That was interesting. I haven't seen him in ages. The movies was SOOOOOOO good. But we all decided that Katie Holmes is stupid. She was just so stupid and just not a good actress at all. At one point she slaps Batman and Andrew yells "I'd kill her!" and everyone started to laugh except someone told him to shush and he goes "you shush!" i love that kid. he's so ridiculous sometimes. he does stuff that we all wish we could do but don't have the guts to. And him and his grasshopper together, they are so funny. Well after the movie and after my so called friends ignored me and walked right past me (cough cough) Nina and Andrew came over. Nina left though after about 10 minutes because her mom was having surgery. I called her today and she's healing well. So then Andrew, Dan and I hung out for a while. When it started getting light outside we decided to get some rest. Then I took Andrew to work in the morning. That was about all I've done. It sounds boring to everyone else but every day I spend with my friends is the best day of my life. I love them so much. And once again, what do you do if you remember something that no one else does? Help! |
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| I need someone to talk to..... |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|02:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing | ] |
I need someone to talk to.
I feel so completely alone right now.
Emotions are just running rampid and I don't know what to do.
If this is what summer is going to be like, forget it.
I can't do this every day
It's exhausting.
Someone help me.... |
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| Graduation tomorrow...yikes |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|12:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | weird background noises | ] |
Ok, I can't believe it. I'm actually graduating tomorrow. All this time and I am finally graduating. It doesn't seem fathomable at all. Right now I'm supposed to be working on my speech but I am so tired that it just isn't happening. Seriously, things are blurry. I am THAT tired. I was up until 3:30 last night and then had to get up at 7:45 to get people to work. It didn't entirely work because I fell asleep and then realized that Christina had to be at work at 8 instead of 9 and it was 8:15. Yeah I felt really bad. I can't believe I made her late for work. And poor Nina. She had ACTs this morning. I hate those tests. They are ridiculously hard and are just not fun at all. What ever. Seriously.
Wow, for the record, my sunburns are killing me. I can't believe I got burnt after being in the sun for 30 minutes. That's just ridiculous. Andrew, Nina, Christina, and Kyle were all asleep in the sun, and they didn't get nearly as bad as I did. What is with that. Andrew was even semi-protecting me because he was stretched out across my lap, but it didn't help cuz he moved and I guess I got fried. Stupid. Also I have a gigantic bruise on my shin and another one on my lower back. WTF? how does this happen??? I think I am just going to blame Andrew for any injury I incure. It's more fun that way!
Awww, Nina is such a sweetie. She bought us three graduates a congratulations cake. It has our names on it and everything. It was awesome. I am gunna miss her so much. I really don't know what i am going to do without her. She's seen me through everything. Damn. Can't start that yet. I am gunna be sobbing all day tomorrow, don't want to start yet. Yikes.
I'm ready to graduate now. I'm so excited. And so scared.
Anyway, that's all for now! xxx |
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